A Good Day to Dine
by knives4cash
Summary: Yang cooks breakfast for Team RWBY. Explosive hilarity ensues.


Chirp, chirp, chirp. Why is it that the first thing that starts my day off is the annoying sound of a stupid bird chirping? I slowly open my eyes, which instantly reveal that my vision is obstructed by a mass of yellow hair. By habit, I inhale. Yang's been using my shampoo again. Not that I'm complaining; honey smells good on her. Perhaps we might use that in a more private moment.

I went to sleep on my right shoulder. Yang always holds me, but a side effect of the cuddling is that her hair tends to get all over the place. I smirk. I can't wait for the day when she has to get a haircut. Maybe I'll cut her hair. Yawning, I quickly adapt to the early morning light that slowly encroaches upon our territory. I could always ask Yang to switch sides with me, so that I can sleep facing away from the window. But why ruin such a comfortable thing?

I glance at the clock on our nightstand. Six-thirty. Oh yes, that's why.

Feeling Yang's strong arms wrapped snugly around me, I use my left hand to gently tug her off of me. "Mrrrgh."

"Shhh," I breathe. "It's time to get up." Cold hits me like a shockwave as I gently throw the covers off of me, and subsequently my lover.

"Mrrgah-blarg." She tugs me back into her embrace. "Five more minutes, Love?"

I sigh. She does this every morning, and I have to be mean to her to get her up. Turning over in her embrace, I lock onto her face and take a deep breath. And, despite my questionable smirk, lock her into a good morning kiss.

"Mmmh!" She returns my compassion rather eagerly for someone who hates getting up. It's almost as if she's making me- no. No, she couldn't plan something so elaborate. I'M in control of her. These thoughts drive me to kiss harder, which causes her to match my aggressiveness. "Mhhhm."

Almost there. I pull her on top of me and lock one hand over her head, pulling her down onto me even harder, and I use my remaining hand to pinch her nose shut. "Mmmmh." Any second now. "MMMMH!" There we go. She's trying to pull away now. "MGH-GMHHHM!" Just a bit longer, I want to make sure she's getting desperate. "MMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHH!" There we go!

"GHUUUUUUUUUUH!" She reels back, gasping for breath and rolling off of me, she gets out of our bed. "I'm up! I'm up! You don't need to kill me, woman!" She scoffs. "Someday, I'm going to remember to box your ears when you do that." If she does, I'll take away her sex privileges for a month.

"Shhh," I whisper to her again. "Don't wake the others." I look behind me to make sure that Weiss and Ruby are still asleep. Sure enough, the two are nestled against one another, breathing softly. I look back at Yang. "You go wash up first. I'll air out the room."

Yang nods to me and blows me a kiss before sauntering off to the bathroom. Confound those hips. Sighing, I can't help but smile. I quietly open the window up by a few inches and let in the cool summer air to wash out Team RWBY's dorm. Partially a shame. My advanced sense of smell has come to recognize Yang's scent from a mile away.

"All done," Yang whispers back to me as she emerges from the bathroom. Still sauntering, she comes over to me and hangs her arms around my neck. She exhales heavily, "HHHHHey, sexy." I'm not sure which is more intoxicating, her breath or her devilish smile. Nevertheless, I resist.

"Good morning to you too, Yang." I do appreciate her affection, and I let her know with a small peck on the lips. "Remember, we have a field trip today, so keep your hands to yourself."

Yang immediately pouts. "That's no fun." She aimlessly starts trailing a finger down my neck and across my lingerie. "It's a crime against all faunus to prohibit the touching of such a sexy lady."

Shaking my head, I can't help but scoff at her words. She certainly knows how to treat a faunus. I reward her with a kiss. "I'd rather not see you detained for a genuine display of affection in public." I pull her hands off of me. We don't have as much time as I'd like. "You'll live." One last peck on the cheek. "If you behave, I'll let you use the whip next time." I move past her and towards the bathroom. I don't see her, but I can sense her aura spark at my words. I can also smell a sharp increase in sexual arousal, but I keep that to myself. "Right now, you should get dressed." And with that, I close the bathroom door behind me.

I emerge to find that the room is empty of Yang. I take a quick sniff of the air. She left a few minutes ago. Her clothing is gone, and her sleeping clothes are in the laundry bin. I frown. I look under our bed. Her weapons are gone, too. I smirk. She'll be fine. I'm dressed in less than a minute, and I throw my lingerie on top of Yang's clothing. I then move over to Weiss's side of their shared bed. Gently shaking the girls, I firmly say, "Weiss, Ruby, it's time to get up."

On cue, Weiss's alarmclock goes off, and she immediately pulls her hand out from under the covers and smashes it against the device. "Mrrgh." She shifts. "Thanks, Blake. We'll be up in five."

Ruby buries her head into Weiss's chest. "Noooo. Five more minutes." I smirk. She's so similar, yet so different from her sister.

"Don't rush," I say as I depart from the two. I gently close the door behind me and look both ways in the hall. Seeing that no one's out with me, I hold my head up and close my eyes. Concentrating, I sniff.

She went left. I begin to track her, sniffing every ten feet to make sure I'm on her trail. She went downstairs. I sniff the spiraling stair rail. She DEFINITELY slid down. That woman, I swear.

I descend the staircase in an orthodox fashion, sniffing along the way. I'm hot on her trail, and it's getting easier to follow.

Arriving at the bottom, I immediately realize why. The kitchen is not but thirty feet from here, and even though my ears are hidden underneath my bow, I can hear bacon frying.

That's odd. I don't remember bacon ever being put on the menu.

I make my way to the kitchen, and upon entering, I correct myself. Bacon isn't on Beacon's menu; it's on Yang's menu. The sizzling of bacon echoes throughout the massive cafeteria, and I make my way to the open doors of the kitchen area. Before me stands Yang, wearing her usual attire but also sporting a cooking apron and chef's hat. From my angle, I can see that she has a box of a dozen eggs on the counter, a giant plate next to the gas burner that she's using, another giant plate of sausage, a giant block of cheddar cheese on a cutting board, an eighteen inch skillet in one hand, and a giant knife in the other. I also can't help but notice that her form fills out the apron very nicely. "Do I even want to know?"

She looks to her left and gives me a bright, toothy smile. "Morning, Blake! I'm cooking bacon!" So I heard, smelled, and now see.

She quickly turns back to moving the strips around in the pan with the knife. Of course she wouldn't use the proper tools. "I don't recall Beacon allowing such fatty foods on campus." I enter into the kitchen and lean against one of the giant refrigerators that stands next to Yang. "Their policy is to that the best students should eat the best food, is it not?"

"Bacon's beyond the best!" She spears the first pan-full onto a giant plate that she has next to the burner. "And besides!" She sets the knife down and reaches for the eggs. "You can't spell 'Beacon' without 'bacon'!"

I groan at the joke. "Grammatically, that is true." I watch, rather impressed, as she starts cracking eggs over the pan. "Single-handed?" I ask with surprise.

"What can I say?" She doesn't even look up as she tosses the eggshells behind her. My eyes widen as she successfully lands them in the trash can. "Ruby and I did a lot of our own cooking, growing up." Judging from the twelve eggs she's just poured into the giant cooking skillet, I'm willing to wager that she's planning on feeding all of Team RWBY.

I lean in and take a stronger sniff of the bacon. "This is not pork." I notice.

"Wow, so you've got night vision, super hearing, AND super smelling?" She shakes her head, laughing. "That's so not fair!" It's not as great as she thinks it is. The fumes of the propane do not compliment the smell of food in general.

Interesting. She doesn't use the knife to cut the cheese. She's just tearing off chunks of the cheddar with her hand and dumping them into the fried mixture. "Yang, where did you get the turkey bacon?"

Sighing in defeat, Yang confesses, "I struck a deal with the cook. He'll smuggle in a few requests in exchange for dust."

I cock my head as she starts dumping sausages into the egg and cheese mixture, but I continue my questioning. "Why does he want dust?" I hear footsteps coming our way.

She picks the knife back up and starts stirring the "meal" around. "Who knows? Who cares? All I want is some special food to share with some special persons on special occasions." She leans in and inhales the aroma of her breakfast. "Almost done."

A field trip hardly seems like a special occasion, but I'm more surprised at her opinion of her food. "Almost? It's done. If you leave it any longer, it's going to overcook."

Nevertheless, Yang ignores my statement and starts searching the cupboards. "Where is it...?"

"I knew it!"

Yang and I briefly look to the entrance of the kitchen and see Ruby and Weiss. Ruby jumps up and down, clapping her hands. "I knew I smelled Yang's cooking!" She takes Weiss's hands in her own. "Oh, you're in for a treat today, Weiss!"

Yang waves. "You know it, sis!" She returns to her searching. "Just need to find the last ingredient." She pulls me away from the fridge. "Nothing personal, Blake, but I'm starving."

I cock an eyebrow as I watch her rummage through the massive cooling chamber's contents.

"What is she looking for?" I hear Weiss ask.

To answer the question on both of our minds, Yang removes a strange wine bottle with a strange pink liquid in it. "Here we go! I guess he's moving it around to make sure no one finds it!" Yang moves back to her skillet and uncorks the bottle, pouring some of its contents into the breakfast.

She doesn't add more than a half cup, but my concern skyrockets when she sets the bottle down, allowing me a direct line of sight. "Yang, darling?" Why is there a dead baby scorpion in the bottom?

"What's up, Blakey?" she asks as she stirs it all together.

I continue to stare at the bottle. "Is this wine?"

"WHAT?!" Weiss flanks around, moving me aside to see for herself. "Oh my- it is!"

"No! No!" Yang continues to stir. "Well, not really! It's just liquid grapes! People like grapes!" Perhaps, though I doubt they care for the flavor of scorpion in their fruit.

Ruby pops up in between me and Weiss. "Don't worry, Weiss. Wine's a great thing to cook with, and Yang knows how to make wine go with anything."

"Oh lord," Weiss groans, turning away.

"Hey, something smells good!" I turn to see all four members of Team JNPR standing in the doorway with Jaune at the head. He takes another sniff. "REALLY good!"

"Agreed," Pyrrha nods as she enters.

"Whatever it is, I want some!" Nora yells.

Weiss quickly remarks, "Then congratulations! You're just in time to receive your first does of alcohol poisoning! Courtesy of Chef Yang!"

"Hey!" Yang bites back, "Watch your mouth! I'm the one who'll be cooking for your wedding, so you be nice to me!"

"As if!" Weiss deadpans. "You most certainly will NOT be cooking at my-"

"Actually, Weiss, I'd really like it if Yang did cook at our wedding." Ruby meekly interjects as she blushes.

"Hah!" How odd. That's the first time I've ever heard Ren laugh.

Weiss merely growls and blushes, refusing to meet anyone's gaze. I smirk though. She's still willing to grab Ruby's hand in her own. "We'll call this her trial run, deal?"

Ruby pecks her on the cheek. Giggling, she responds, "Deal."

Jaune leans in next to Yang. "So, what is all of that?"

"THIS!" Yang exclaims as she takes the pan off the burner and holds it out for all to see. "Is the Breakfast of Champions!"

"OOOOH" murmurs Team JNPR at the sight and smell of the exotic dish.

"Now, I'll need four extra plates!" I quickly comply, grabbing not only the plates, but the extra forks required. I lay them out in a row around the kitchen island.

"We can use these!" Ruby starts setting up eight bar stools to seat everyone.

"Got any peppers?" Nora asks with excitement as she and Team JNPR sit down on one side.

Yang begins dishing out equal servings onto eight plates. "We might. But, I have something better that I think you'll just fall in love with, Nora!"

Nora giggles as she and the rest of Team JNPR sit down, facing the stove. "For a certain someone's sake, I hope I don't." She elbows Ren to make sure he gets her point.

I see him crack a small smile and a light blush as all of Team RWBY sits across from them.

"Hah!" Yang slaps a hand on the island as she reaches into her bosom.

Uh-oh.

She pulls out a surprising salt shaker sized bottle of red dust. "Ta~da!" She pops the cork off and starts shaking it over Nora's serving. I can smell the dust fumes pouring out. "This is what I'm talking about, Nora! Mother Nature can provide most of the flavor in life, but sometimes, you just gotta add a little extra kick to it!"

Nora's grin is beyond evil. "I like how you think, Yang."

Weiss groans as Yang shakes some over her serving. "I don't even have the words for how dangerous and terrible of an idea this is."

Even I have my doubts. "Yang, dust is an extremely volatile and explosive mineral." Despite this, she shakes some out on my plate. "Is there really any validity to consuming it in food?"

Ren nods. "I concur with Blake on this one, Yang." He raises a brow at the spectacle. "Today would be an unfortunate day to die."

Yang waves a dismissive hand. "Bah, don't worry! Dust is just like gasoline! You could boil this stuff." She adds some to her own serving and sets the bottle in the middle of the island. "It doesn't matter what form it's in, just as long as it or its fumes aren't exposed to an open flame!" We're in a kitchen. The bottle's still uncorked. My doubts are growing exponentially.

"Trust us." Ruby laughs as she grabs the bottle and adds a bit more to her plate. "We learned that the hard way."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great and all, but I'm STARVING!" Nora grabs her fork and scoops up a giant piece of fried sausage plastered in cheesy egg, all sprinkled with red dust. "Here's to Yang! The greatest of them all!"

Yang grabs a forkful of her creation. "Aw yeah, praise the queen!" She holds it up to my mouth. "Say 'aaah', Blake." Her smile disappears upon seeing my expression. "Blake, what's wrong?"

"Yang, did you remember to turn off the stove?"

Everybody freezes.

We all look at the stove and see that the flame is still going strong.

We turn back and look down at our meals, which are still covered in RED dust.

Weiss drops her fork. Grabbing Ruby, she pulls her to the floor, screaming, "SWEET LOR-"

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

I can say with the utmost confidence that I hate the sound of a heart monitor more than I hate the sound of birds. It doesn't help that I'm covered completely in a body cast. With my eyes shut, my hearing is only intensified. And it hurts even more, because my ears got burned in the explosion. I don't even know if any of my hair will grow back. The doctors said they dug eight charred corpses out of the kitchen rubble. Thankfully, the ceiling didn't cave in on us, so none of our limbs were broken. After a few rough calculations, I have deduced that Yang must've been carrying at least forty-five kilos of highly concentrated, extremely refined red dust.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

Despite the incalculable amount of rage that I bear against her, I requested that Yang's hospital bed be placed next to mine. I can hear her breathing. I can hear all of Team RWBY and JNPR breathing. Technically, Nora is groaning, since her mouth was still open when the dust exploded. If memory serves, she was still chewing when we all went up in flames. I wonder how Yang is going to apologize to me. Whatever I make her do, I'd better do fast. Even as I think, I know that my anger is declining. How could I possibly stay mad at Yang? I would smile, if I knew it wasn't going to send me into a spiraling coma of pain.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

I should probably feel some amount of concern for everyone, but I can sense their auras. They'll be fine. Plus, the doctors say that we'll all recover, so I can rest completely at ease. Speaking of rest, I should probably try to get some. It will definitely make the time go by faster.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

I can't sleep with that infernal noise.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

Confound it, Yang. I was really looking forward to that field trip.


End file.
